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One of the things I love about CBT is its flexibility for the client. CBT is a shorter term therapy, and typically, clients graduate once they have met their initial therapy goal with us. Alternatively, rather than graduating immediaely, a client can decide to work with her therapist on a totally different therapy goal. For example, a client may come to therapy to work on their depression, then heal through the depression, and ultimately decide to work on assertiveness at work, before eventually deciding to graduate from successful treatment.
It is also very typical for clients to return briefly to CBT therapy after graduation for a “tune-up” around a previously met goal, or because they are now ready to focus on a fresh goal for therapy. It is beyond helpful to receive support from a therapist with whom you’ve already had success.
So if it’s been awhile and you could use a mental health tuneup, or you’re simply interested in working on a fresh goal, reach out to us again. We’d love to have you back!
We maintain in-person and virtual availability in our practice
If you or someone you know is struggling,
Reach out, Learn more, Let us help!
Parenting Your Parent
No matter what stage of life you are in, caring for ill or disabled parents is an emotionally taxing challenge. Although extensive literature discusses how caregiving affects the health and well-being of spouses, partners, and parents, there's limited knowledge regarding the impact on young adults in caregiving situations.
The ages of 18-25 are critical in one’s development into adulthood. In this stage, young adults move from their teenage years to develop their identity and autonomy, often taking on more responsibilities in their personal lives and making decisions for their futures. This “emerging adulthood” time is also marked by the breaking away from parental roles towards more self-determination. Here at CTWPS, we have supported a number of younger women under the age of 35 that have taken on an unusually intense caretaking role with their ill parents.
In a 2017 study by Julie Moberg, the children of individuals with multiple sclerosis were interviewed and analyzed to find the lasting impact caring for their parents had on them. Moberg found that many individuals felt worried and guilty about their parents and caregiving abilities. By and large, the young adults experienced restraint, holding back from sharing their emotions and needs, aiming to shield their parents from additional worry or burden caused by their own sadness or issues. For many study participants, these acts of restraint carried over to their other personal relationships. Participants needed a level of maturity and self-reflection to identify and articulate their own emotions, and a significant number continued to face challenges in asserting themselves, even into young adulthood.
If you are someone who is caring for an ill parent, we can help you develop effective coping strategies to manage the commitment, stress, emotional burden, and complexities of caregiving. There is no good reason to go it alone!
If you or someone you know is struggling,
Reach out, Learn more, Let us help!
What Do YOU Think About It All?
One of my favorite holidays is New Year’s Day. It’s a contemplative, peaceful day for me, and I typically spend time reviewing the past year, and setting my intentions for the new year. This year I’ve been thinking a lot about the quote “Other people’s thoughts are not your business”, ascribed to everyone from the Buddha to Marcus Aurelius to Lisa Nichols, Regina Brett, and Steve Harvey to name just a few!
Regardless of the original source, there is wisdom in this concept. From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, one of the reasons it holds up is because other people don’t have “all of the data” included in your life and decisions, so how can they accurately judge your situation at any given moment? And with the hundreds of people we encounter in the world each year, there are just too many people we encounter to give each of them that kind of influence. We simply can’t afford our perspective to be pulled in every direction possible by someone else’s thoughts or perspective.
And I don't know about you, but the opposite is also true: I wouldn't want all of MY thoughts to be made other people's business arbitrarily!
People pleasing is one of the ways we make other people's thoughts our business. At its core, people pleasing simply means “I let go of my center, needs, and perspective in service of what I assume are your needs and perspective”. The motivations for people pleasing can range from hoping other people will like us or take care of us more if we please them, to misperceiving people pleasing as a form of true caretaking. But regardless of the motivation, excessive people pleasing ultimately becomes an impossible task because frankly, there are simply too many people to please them all. And most importantly, people pleasing pulls us off of focus because we are no longer paying attention to our own perspective, needs, and values. In this way, people pleasing disrupts intimacy as it prevents others from actually knowing us.
One of my intentions for 2024 is to not expend ANY energy on mind reading or adjusting to people’s unexpressed thoughts, concerns, or opinions. That doesn’t mean I won’t consider other people’s expressed opinions, with the caveat that they come from someone who has earned my trust. But in order to take better emotional care of myself in 2024, I will remind myself daily that other people’s thoughts are truly none of my business.
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Can we feel joy, longing, and grief at the same time? For many, the holidays bring up this bittersweet mix of emotion.
The holiday season can be a particularly activating time when we are mourning the loss of a loved one. Specifically, experiencing grief (and all of its related emotions) while others are in “holiday cheer” mode may prompt us to try and match that joyful energy, even if superficially. And sometimes it feels too hard, and we feel compelled to actually isolate ourselves from others (e.g., turning down party invites). Or we might at least perceive ourselves as being isolated from them (e.g., “no one at this party understands what I’m going through.”).
Holidays can also be tied to meaningful memories and traditions with our lost loved one. And depending on where you are in your grief work, the thought of even participating in those traditions is too provocative. Additionally, trying to manage the anticipatory anxiety of various challenges these days may bring is emotionally draining and can leave you feeling further unmoored. This can also be mixed with breakthroughs of joy.
So if you are one of the many people currently coping with grief and struggling to find your footing this holiday season, here are some guiding points:
Identify and honor what works for you: Define how you want to personally navigate your holiday and entitle yourself to enact your plan regardless of what other people think you should do. Some people feel more comfortable skipping the holidays altogether, while others find it helpful to either engage in their familiar traditions, create new rituals that honor their lost loved one, or some combination of both. The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve; decide instead what feels right to you and empower yourself to enact it.
Plan ahead to cope with the hard days: Learning when and how grief may show up for you can help you better manage your pain in a healthy way. In contrast, living in a state of perpetual anxiety about how awful your upcoming holidays might be can in fact distract you from effectively planning for them or enjoying them. As a result, you may be more vulnerable to engaging in unhealthy coping strategies that will likely make you feel worse in the long term.