As inherently social beings, connecting to others and establishing a sense of belongingness are among our strongest driving forces. Over the last year-and-a-half, our opportunities for social connection, as well as the ways in which we seek it out, have drastically shifted. During this time, not only has there been a reduction in our regular exposure to groups of people (e.g., seeing co-workers once a week vs daily), but many of us have also re-evaluated our existing relationships and have made the conscious decision to limit our engagements accordingly.
As a result, many of us have relied (perhaps too heavily) on social media and technology for some semblance of connection to others. But social media and connection may not meet the bar for quality connection. People are seeking community membership that fosters meaning and purpose, possibly more so now than ever before.
So where do we start? Feeling isolated or untethered from community can already feel vulnerable enough, and figuring out how to create or build community within the throes of a global crisis can feel even more daunting. A silver lining in our current predicament is that we are not alone in this call for community; that with these shifts in the frequency and types of social opportunities, there is a stronger collective goal to feel more connected.
Building community is a step by step process that requires some work, and the steps below outline ways to start this process.
Define community for yourself
A helpful first step is to look inward and reflect on what you are seeking from community. Are you seeking more friendships, or a core group of friends? Do you want to be connected to a group that shares your same values, goals, or interests? While it would probably feel ideal (or at least easier) to have one core group that satisfies all of your community needs, it is also important to recognize that fostering community in our lives is a process that can develop and deepen over time. Engaging in multiple streams of community can still meet those connection needs, while also keeping doors open for stronger relationships and core communities to develop.
Saying “yes” to opportunities for community
If you have an idea of what your community needs are, but are feeling overwhelmed by how to actualize them, this next step might serve as a useful jumping off point. For example, if you’re seeking a community that can help elevate you to the next stage in your career, are there any specific professional or personal organizations you could join? Or would you be more interested in volunteering for an org (versus joining it), taking virtual group lessons or classes, or starting a book club with a couple of colleagues? If a colleague invites you to join an event, will you say yes (even if it doesn’t sound THAT engaging?) Being open and willing to try new or different experiences, even if they feel uncomfortable, can provide opportunities to continue weaving your web of social connections.
Show Up!
While the above two steps outline some logistical ways to identify the “what” and “where” of community, this step defines how to show up in these communities to actualize the goal of feeling connected. Simply joining an organization will not foster belongingness in a community - we need to participate in an intentional and authentic way. Brene Brown (2017) defines belongingness, in part, as a practice in vulnerability to actively participate as your authentic self in relationships, rather than passively waiting for others to invite your participation.
This definition invites us to examine the ways that we are (or aren’t) showing up when the opportunity for social connection presents itself. For example, speaking up more in your org meetings, sending an introduction e-mail to colleagues you met at a webinar, or starting a monthly gathering with a friend(s) that share a common interest.
This also applies to how we can engage with new social spaces. Look for opportunities to create space for yourself, assuming that there is space for you to belong. We won’t know if a connection could be forged if we don’t put ourselves out there. And we don’t know how that connection could be built upon if we don’t have it at all. Start somewhere.
If you are yearning for community and would like support in the work of identifying and participating in the process, or if you are generally feeling socially isolated and want to work on feeling more connected, our team at Cognitive Therapy for Women is always here to help!