As Drs. Slochowsky and Dunlop have discussed in their most recent CTW blog posts, our thoughts and emotions each provide powerful insight into what really matters to us. So what do we do when the way we think is at odds with how we feel? Or when the logical part of ourselves leads us in one direction, while the emotional side leads us in another? Rather than becoming paralyzed by the confusion these internal conflicts can create, here are some strategies to address them, build consensus, and bring ourselves back into harmony.
Practice mindfulness.
There’s a reason why mindfulness is having such a moment (and why it is usually Step One in our blog posts!): if you aren’t aware of what thoughts you’re having and what emotions you’re feeling, you probably won’t be able to recognize if there’s a conflict brewing between them. The good news is, we can build this awareness by developing a mindfulness practice. Also good news: this practice doesn’t need to be elaborate AT ALL. For example, if for a few minutes each morning you decide to simply turn your attention inward and connect to any physical sensations that arise in your body as you brush your teeth, then guess what- you’ve officially decided to practice mindfulness! And with enough practice, you will then be able to connect those physical sensations to their emotional and cognitive counterparts and assess whether any conflict exists between them.
Put words to your experiences.
Once you’ve become aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can now begin to determine their mind-state “country of origin,” so to speak. For instance, your logical mind is typically rational, goal-oriented, and pragmatic. It might encourage more action-oriented steps without taking into account their emotional consequences. In contrast, your emotional mind tends to be more mood-dependent and impulsive. It might encourage acting on urges without taking into account their logical consequences.
Push towards a middle path.
Because they each have such important things to tell us, it’s usually not helpful to rely only on either your logical or emotional mind to make a decision. To counter falling into the only “one mind” trap, consider how you might accommodate both logic and emotion in any given situation. Particularly those that are stressful. For example..
Let’s say you’ve experienced a break-up. In this case, your mindfulness practice might involve tracking not only the physical sensations of bristles across your teeth in the morning, but also the tightness of your grip on the toothbrush or the slack in your jaw. You might then start to connect these sensations to your emotions (perhaps tightly gripping your toothbrush is a sign that you’ve been feeling angry) and thoughts (perhaps your slackened jaw is a sign that you’ve been thinking “I can’t believe this happened”).
From here, you can begin to identify what your logical and emotional minds are telling you to do. For instance, your logical mind may say “paying any attention to your shock and anger won’t serve you and therefore you should avoid talking or thinking about the break-up and throw yourself back into dating.” Although rational, taking this approach will likely prolong the healing process, as suppressing unwanted thoughts and feelings only increases their intensity over time.
In contrast, your emotional mind might say “indulging in your pain will bring you some much-needed satisfaction and therefore you should ruminate about the break-up, talk incessantly about your ex, and avoid dating altogether.” Although catering to your emotions in this way might feel temporarily gratifying, remaining in constant pain will also inhibit you from moving forward.
Walking the middle path, however, offers you the benefits of both worlds at once. Spending your mid-morning/afternoon hours devoted to the distractions of work, hobbies, or dating will provide a useful respite from your distress, while spending the latter half of your day attending to that distress will provide the nurturance it needs in order to properly heal.
It is natural to find your heart and mind at odds. These practices can help you gain more clarity about what you’re thinking and feeling and move you towards a harmonious, well-informed middle path. If you are interested in getting support around how to navigate difficult life events with increased mindfulness, please don't hesitate to contact us at CTWPS to schedule a consultation.